My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
