I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
