Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize