I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
