final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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