Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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