fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Houston, we have a blender
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
