Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
