His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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