How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
