I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
babies were throwing up all over the place
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
