yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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