i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
