I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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