there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
