I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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