the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
