dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All the doctor said was why
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
