i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
