I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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