My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wat bout pragnant strippers??
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
