Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
