no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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