If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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