Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
