Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize