Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
