I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
