something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
