I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
