I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He better not be in your backpack
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
