Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FUCK WHALES
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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