i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize