I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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