Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He shit in the fireplace
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