I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
