Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
