Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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