the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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