I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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