You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
