he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
