she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
