for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize