I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
