woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
