There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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