FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My life is pants optional.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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