Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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