You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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