Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
