i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
