I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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