Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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