after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
