This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
