Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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