Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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