How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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