meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
