Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
