Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
