You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
