That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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