Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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