Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
