she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
