I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry about my life...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
