Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
