I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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