thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
