do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
