Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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