he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
