ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
