get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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