Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
