No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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