yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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