it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
