Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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