I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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