i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
