Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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