my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
