Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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