think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
