I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
