Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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