Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
