there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
