how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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