why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
