We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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