she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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