The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The best revenge is premature balding
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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